Growing up in a large and prosperous suburb of Minneapolis is NOT country. I don’t claim to be born country or a country boy, but people can change, right?
My first experience with country music was when my Dad bought a Garth Brooks tape. Yes, I said tape. I was incredibly reluctant to listen to it, but it was forced on me anyway. It took only one time through the album for me to realize country wasn’t all that bad and wasn’t what all the “haters” said it was.
By the time I got to high school, I was hooked. Tim McGraw, Toby Keith, Martina McBride, and the like would be constantly blasting from my car stereo. In a class of 653 kids, I was one of probably 13 (I’m not exaggerating) that liked country.
So I adopted the music and most of the lifestyle. It fit me a lot better than the other genres. I didn’t want to smoke on drugs, kill on cops, and the only machine I wanted to rage against was my dial up modem or cell phone.
Country teaches us a lot of things, good, bad, and funny. So without further adieu, here’s my top 10 things I’ve learned from country music:
1) It’s perfectly OK to let go of the steering wheel. Jesus will take over and guide you to safety.
2) Drinking is the answer to any problem. Especially when it comes to relationships. We know what’s coming the next day, but for now, it’s time to party and get past our past.
3) Breaking up? That doesn’t mean we can’t have on last roll in the hay! Why not relive our best moment(s) before we say bye forever?
4) That breakup bang? It’s likely not the last one. We’ll have a few drinks and think it’s a great idea to try and make it work again, only to hate ourselves (and our ex) in the morning.
5) There is no greater place to party than a big field or barn. If there’s a pond, lake, or creek nearby, even better.
6) One night stands are not only acceptable, but awesome! You have a chance with any girl at any bar or party you go to. Does not hurt to have slick dance moves, silver words, moonshine, or a truck.
7) Do not, under any circumstance, wrong a country girl! One of three things will happen: Your ride will be destroyed, the whole world will know what an ass you are, or she will simply kill you. Worst case scenario: All three of these things will happen.
8) Always be yourself. Wear your cowboy boots and hat whenever and wherever you feel. If others don’t take kindly to it, crack another beer and live your life.
9) Not only is living a simple life in a small town fine, it’s encouraged. Who wants to sit in traffic jams when you can fly down a dirt road? Can’t have those barn parties in the city either.
10) If she is not into beer, whiskey, sports, fishing, camping, the SEC, hunting, rodeos, BBQ, guns, or anything else fun and awesome, get rid of her! If you can’t or don’t, your friends will help you do so. Odds are, they already know the perfect replacement for your soul-eating lady.
There you have it. We could go on and on about what else country has to offer us, but the point is clear. If we all lived our lives like country songs, the world would be a little more perfect. Probably a lot sexier and drunker too.
